Hard edges

Stress. Unfortunate circumstances. Bad luck. Failure. Pressure. 

Life is hard. Nobody can prepare you for how hard it will be. It just is.

Every time one of those tough times comes, it feels like my entire world is falling part and even though I try hard to keep it together, a piece of it breaks of from the whole and is lost forever.

I'm not allowed to be weak. There's more than just my life, my interests that are on the line. Whenever I feel this weakness come over me, I tell myself, "You're not allowed to give up. It's not up to you" and I go on. I've become an expert at moving on and in a way it's my curse. 

Tough times bring out the hardness in me. I grit my teeth, let a tear of anger escape in secret and harden my soul because I can't be weak. And every time I get over whatever circumstance it is, I feel like I should be stronger for the next wave when bad luck catches up with me again. And you know, it always does, that's the one thing you can be sure of. You will never run out of bad luck. You'll never meet the full quota. There's no lifetime limit. 

I'm wrong each time, though. 

My soul becomes hard, I arm myself with an impenetrable armor but it never helps. It's actually the opposite. I've finally come to understand that when I harden my soul, it does absolutely nothing to soften the next blow. It just makes me more likely to shatter, and makes putting me back together harder.

How do you find balance then? How can you stay strong without hardening your soul?